I’ve had this blog since 2011, but have not written anything since 2012.
My life have changed dramatically in that time, so much that I wouldn’t have expected to be writing from where I am right now.
In 2011, I started this blog to recover from an operation, and a job lost due to my poor health. In that year, I used this blog to record my travels, a self imposed exile. Told my friends and family that I would be fine soon, though frankly at that time I didn’t think I would really recover. But recover I did.
By 2012 I’ve completed the first marathon of my life, and had a new job that I really liked. The job brought me to London on a secondment which just kept being extended, and extended. So while the banking industry continued to implode due to the financial crisis of 2009, I was doing pretty ok.
Until my grandparents died 10 days apart in 2014. Grandpa passed away suddenly on 22 Jan 2014 from choking on his dentures (what a way to go), and Grandma’s heart gave up on 2 Feb. Suddenly, Dad didn’t seem as strong anymore, and I knew I had to go back home. So I quit my job in London and took up one back home, which didn’t quite work out (left in 6 months, though I knew I would quit by the end of the 1st). Then another job, which was actually really great…though…
An ex-colleague in London told me of a role in another company he’s at, and I jumped at the opportunity of working with him again. So I took a hefty pay cut, left my family (Dad was ok by then…and didn’t like the fussing around him) and plonked myself on a plane back to UK.
The ex-colleague was supposed to be my boss. That lasted all of 3 weeks; he got transferred to head up another team. That was still fine as our teams had to work closely.
His team produced sub-standard work, he was supposed to fix it, he didn’t. I didn’t mean to have to challenge his team’s work, but I couldn’t do my work if I don’t. I used to believe that we will eventually work it out, that was until d he’s decided on a despicable course of action.
His team was caught plotting to “wind me up” at the gym. Somebody overheard them and his teammates were sanctioned. My current boss didn’t tell me about the issue until the incident in Dec 2016. All that while, I thought his teammates were just being socially awkward and tried my best to befriend them, and work with them as best I could. (Is there anyone worse than I am at reading people?)
In Dec 2016, I found out that the ex-colleague falsely accused me of a failure, when his team was the one who caused the issue. It was a deliberate act to bring me down.. The deliberate act broke something in me.
Through other channels, I already knew that his team caused the failure, and that he was personally briefed of that fact 5 hours before he sat down and wrote a very long email to senior management accusing me of bringing down a system.
400 words of false allegations from someone I trusted enough to uproot from home to work with.
It’s winter now in 2017, and I am alone in UK. It feels like 2011 suddenly.
Am sad, pessimistic, anxious, regretful…unable to think….sometimes unable to breathe…
Is this depression? It feels like if this is an illness, there is hope that it’ll eventually go away.
So I self medicate. Am taking St John’s Wort, because I am hopeful.
But would I really recover?